This Is Not A Speech


This is not a dreaded speech, so have no fear,

It will take just one second am I quite clear,

One Danny sec that is, which is hard to define,

Stretchable and expandable until the very last line.

Picture the scene, Ben’s party, animals hopping about,

Kids chasing rabbits, running inside and out,

And Danny wants part of it, of this fun in the house,

The baby is bleeping coming I scream to my spouse.

And so we left the party in the hands of Gabs who was six,

And in a car with no petrol I was shitting bricks,

But we made it with at least an hour to spare,

Before Danny arrived with premature baby fanfare.

Danny had his own vocabulary, very cool, very zen,

Gabriella was Ya Ya and the fireplace was Ben,

Ninint for elephant, the microwave was Michael Havin,

He definitely fitted in to our family which was already ravin’,

Oh how sweet Danny with his blue eyes and blond mane,

He learnt to use his good looks for financial gain,

Presents were exchanged for a flash of his smile,

Chocolates and crisps from the sweetie aisle,

Even in school, he was taught a lesson for life,

Blond hair can get you out of a lot of strife,

Unfortunately, Danny suffers from verbal diarrhea,

He does not stop talking into your ear,

But a cure we have found which is very effective,

Is plugging him into a screen, any, not selective,

And just as he used to suck on his bottle, he taps away,

The same rhythm, silence, peace all bloody day,

But when he is unplugged there is a dance and a dash,

To the fridge for food and to the loo with a splash,

Oh Danny how he loves to play, any game with anyone,

If you are two, twelve or twenty he will still have fun,

Danny is blessed to always see life as the cup half full,

And I hope this is forever not just when he’s small

This one sec is nearly over with time to just say,

Danny we love you, have a wonderful barmitzvah day.

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